Moving On
by Momentous
Summary: An agnsty fic about Lupin and Snape trying to get past their childhoods at Hogwarts and their relationships with the (unfortunately dead) James Potter and Sirius Black


Title: Moving On 

Author: hobbitgrrl

Disclaimer: J.K.Rowling owns Harry Potter and all the characters within, I'm just borrowing them.

Author's Note: I did not intend for this to be slash or even implied slash, but if you see ithave fun!  
This is a one shot story. I know it feels like there is room for more chapters, but at this moment I do not anticipate writing more.  
I would like to give some credit to my friend SilverKitsune1. She reads my stuff to make sure it doesn't suck before I put it here!

* * *

It was a small service. Dumbledore spoke; no one else could. There was no body, but there would be a grave. Harry asked if Sirius could be put next to his parents. Harry looked at the three graves, eyes swollen with tears. Ron and Hermione stood to either side of their friend. No words were spoken; the two just lent their strength silently. All the Weasleys were there. Professor Lupin and even Snape.

Harry wanted to sink into the earth and be with the people who had died for him. He couldn't though. He couldn't let this happen to another.

When the funeral was over, Harry left on the arms of his two best friends and surrounded by a circle of Weasleys.

Two lonely men stayed behind. Snape stood a few feet behind Lupin. There was no movement.

"Why won't you leave Snape?"

"Why won't you leave Remus?"

"These are three people I loved, three people you hated. If you do anything…" Remus turned and fixed Snape with a withering stare, "So help me, I'll rip out your throat!"

Snape approached the grave as Lupin walked away. Under Lupin's glare Snape felt a hot ball of fear and anger swelling within him. He was confused as he scanned the graves. He felt like screaming or crying or laughing or dancing. Instead he just stared.

* * *

Life was moving on again. The Order was busier than ever now that the ministry was admitting there was a war going on. It was going to be a full moon tonight, and Remus sat waiting in the basement of number twelve, Grimmauld Place.

"Here," Snape said handing Remus his potion.

"Thanks" Lupin said softly, taking the cup. As Snape turned to leave Lupin asked "Why?"

Startled, Snape turned back and gave Remus a puzzled glare.

"Why did you go to the funeral?"

"I…it was…I had to."

"Why? You hated Sirius. He hated you. I was expecting you to spit on his grave."

Both men starred at the floor trying to put words to the thoughts forming in their heads.

"You're right. I hated him. He made my school years a living Hell. I don't know why I had to go to the funeral but I did!"

"Why did you hate him?"

Snape's eyes snapped up from the floor to meet Remus' directly. "You're kidding right?"

Remus looked away first. "I need to know why!" he said in a near whisper staring into his glass.

"He tortured me!" Snape couldn't think of any words. He knew why he hated Sirius. He dragged his fingers through his hair. "Him and Potter tortured me every available moment during school. He still acted like an immature teenager up until the day he died. Don't give me that look, Lupin! I know what you're going to say. He had an excuse. Over a decade at Azkaban for a crime he didn't commit. The death of his friends. Watching the guilty party get away time and again. Spending his time running away and hiding. So he's allowed to be an ass! What was his excuse then, when we were at school? He had a tough childhood? I hate to use the example but Harry Potter had it bad too, maybe even worse and you don't see him randomly torturing people!" Snape paused. When he started again his tone had changed. "I want to know why you loved them so much! What was it about Potter and Black that made them so praiseworthy?"

"They…were my friends. I was alone in the world before them. When you're with Sirius and James you can feel their greatness. When they let me in to there lives and talked to me and asked my opinions like I mattered, I felt alive! They spent months studying to become animagi so that I would never have to be alone. They loved me!"

"What about that night?"

Remus looked at the floor trying to pretend he didn't know what night Snape was thinking about.

"He would have made you a murderer!" Snape nearly spit these words out as he took a step closer to his current adversary. "Think, for just a moment, on that. Excellent way to show love!"

"He didn't mean…He apologized for that. He wasn't thinking. He didn't mean any _real _harm. We were all just dumb kids!" Remus said to the dark eyes which were piercing his soul.

"I never received an apology." Snape growled in cold hatred.

Remus looked at Snape eyes wide and earnest. "I loved Sirius Black! That's all I could ever do!"

Once again, there was silence. Snape turned to leave. He already had plans on buying a bottle of fire whiskey and finding a way to take a few points from some unsuspecting Gryffindors, Potter or the other two preferably.

"Severus, why do you hate me?"

Snape froze startled by this new line of inquisition. He was ready to forget this night, but Remus wasn't letting go yet. He remained speechless for a moment searching for the perfect answer. "Why do you hate me?"

"I don't hate you. I'm not going to pretend we're best friends or even friends at all. But you're a good man and I respect you."

"That's why I hate you."

Remus felt a lump in his throat. His years of turning apathy to his friend's treatment of a small pale boy were suddenly thrust into the forefront of his mind. He looked into the hurt eyes of the man before him. "I'm sorry. I really am."

"The moon's going to be up soon. You should finish your potion. I'll lock the door when I leave."

* * *

There was a knock on the door; the key turned and Molly popped her head in. "You awake dear? Arthur and the others have just headed out to work and I thought I'd bring you some breakfast. I made you an omelette with tomatoes, swiss cheese, onions and sweet peppers. I remembered you don't like meat the morning after so I left out any bacon or sausage. I also made you some tea." All the while she spoke she fussed about the room, tidying and getting his breakfast ready, she never mentioned the claw or tooth marks on the furniture.

Remus let himself be soothed by the woman mothering him. Molly was a mother down to the bone, he thought, it was nearly impossible not to be soothed by her. "Thank you Molly! It looks wonderful."

Remus returned to his chair. His head was swirling with thoughts of his dearest friends inspired by the conversation of the night before.

_Pads and Prongs running along side Moony during a full moon romp._

_Sirius holding him after he transformed back and was scared and sore._

_That glint in Sirius' eyes as he flips Severus upside-down._

_James' pathetic look when Lily berates him for his cruel immaturity._

_That terribly hurt look in Severus' eyes as James and Sirius swagger away._

Remus recalled the conversation of the night before "_I don't hate you…Why I hate you._"

Remus had felt guilty about this before, but actually being faced with the embodiment of his guilt brought the feeling back. Worse, since there was no Sirius and James to rationalize the feelings away.

He'd been trying to heal the relationship since the Order had reformed. Snape was always rejecting his offers of peace. He finally understood why. He wouldn't stop attempting to heal the rift, but now he doubted the possibility of it ever working.

* * *

Snape watched his students copying the directions for their next potion off the blackboard. He was thinking about a werewolf. Remus had been increasingly nicer to him every single time they were together. Snape returned these attempts with more and meaner snappy comebacks. He would never admit it, but he was actually getting annoyed with Remus' interminable niceness. He felt guilty continuing his cruelty; not that he would stop. Remus may want to repair the past but Snape didn't. He was justified. He had a right to never be friends with Remus Lupin. Ok, maybe if the world had been different, there may have been a fifth marauder. Maybe he and Remus had something in common, but not enough to change things now.

"Five points from Gryffindor Mr. Weasley! No passing notes to Potter during my class. Don't you two spend enough time together as is?" Ron turned red and looked back to his work. He tried to ignore Draco passing a note to Pansy right in front of Snape. Snape saw it and ignored it.

"Don't let it get to you Ron." Hermione said giving Ron's shoulder a squeeze.

"And that's five more Miss Granger!"


End file.
